You probably know the 5 love language, but do you know the 4 money language?
#MONEYMINDSET This should give you hints on how to start money discussions with your partner or loved ones . How to money proof your relationship?
If you like this edition, click on the heart, just below the title to support this newsletter!
What you will find here today (< 5 min read):
The 4 basic money language profiles and how our relationship with money can affect our partner
Your investing routine of the week : How to money proof your relationship
Upcoming events : tomorrow, June 29th and a Spa Day August 19th
I received many questions on how to speak about personal finance and money with our partner. If we think about it, that’s interesting how society puts a veil on something that is omnipresent in our life. Whether we like it or not, unless living completely off-grid, everyone needs money to afford housing, food and health care.
Today it’s largely recognized that knowing your partner includes also knowing his or her money personality and money language.
Money is one of the most common sources of stress and conflict in relationships, and research has shown that disagreements over finances can be a major factor in divorce.
Couples who argue about money once a week are over 30% more likely to divorce than couples who disagree about money a few times a month ! Debt, financial infidelity, income disparities, and financial stress can all contribute to money conflicts in relationships so let’s do something to about it !
The most fascinating part is that the majority of fights about money are NOT about money itself but more a clash of temperaments or what we value in our life.
We simply value different things in life, but this can create frictions or arguments with our loved ones sometimes. Having regular open and honest conversations about it can save you many headaches and help you bond together actually.
Are you familiar with the book "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" ?
In this book, Dr. Gary Chapman presents the idea that people express and receive love in different ways, and understanding these different "love languages" can help couples communicate better and strengthen their relationships.
The book outlines five different love languages:
words of affirmation,
quality time,
receiving gifts,
acts of service,
physical touch.
According to Chapman, everyone has a primary love language, and understanding your partner's love language can help you express love in a way that resonates with them.
Overall, "The Five Love Languages" offers a helpful framework for couples to improve their communication and deepen their emotional connection by understanding and expressing love in ways that are meaningful to each other.
And just like with love languages, there are money languages driven by our money personality types. According to Dr Kenneth Doyle , a financial psychologist, there are 4 basic money language profiles. These money languages are similar to the money personalities discussed in other works on financial psychology.
DRIVER - Money means SUCCESS. They express their love by buying things, and shows you that you are important to them through material objects. Obviously, taken too far this can become materialistic and non-relational.
ANALYTIC - Money means SECURITY. They say “I love you” through saving and planning for the future. Taken too far they can become miserable, no fun and controlling. They can also communicate more value for money than people.
AMIABLE - Money means LOVE. They say “I love you” by sharing and giving. Without balance and wisdom, an amiable can be impulsive and unprepared for the future.
EXPRESSIVE - Money means ACCEPTANCE. They say “I love you” by buying, showing, and sharing. Taken too far, expressive use money the way some people use alcohol — to deal with pain and anxiety in a wrong manner -- Retail Therapy.
Which one are ? and what about your partner?
Understanding your money languages helps you identify the strengths and weaknesses you have about your personal finance. It can actually help you make better money decisions because you’ll be able to build a healthier relationship with money.
Dr. Doyle's research suggests that understanding your own money language and that of your partner can help you communicate more effectively about money, make better financial decisions, and improve your overall financial well-being. Check out a few recommandations below.
Summer is here but we’ve partnered with pretty cool local organizations to help you pimp your wallet and put your finance together.
June 22nd : “Investing 101” workshop in French this time with the vibrant Female Community She4She - link here.
June 29th - Let’s have a drink at Winemak’her bar (free event) - you can register here . The owner Alexandra has this amazing concept where she offers ONLY women winemaker wines. I’ll share some lessons learnt from my career in Banking and how my personal investing journey led me to create IntoTheWallet Community. Side note : It’s also our Birthdays with Alexandra so it’s going to be a lot of fun!
August 19th - Spa Day Upstate NY ! We take care of everything :
Transportation (if you need it we pick you up with a private chauffeur at Columbus Circle), food (by a local French Chef) and drinks included !
Morning : Personal Finance workshop
Afternoon : Face Yoga, Sauna, Pool
Limited to 12 participants. Grab your spot here and you both get 10$ off if you register with a friend before July 31st.
And if you’d like to partner for an event or coaching sessions, just email me at intothewallet@gmail.com. The summer is already packed but spots are opened starting September 20th. You can get on the waitlist here.
Here is an article to go further on the topic
1/ Bring out your skeletons.
Be honest about your financial situation with your partner before making any commitments. Regardless of how uncomfortable this may feel. As we say : “begin as you intend to end. Always with clear and forthright communication.” Have very candid discussions around debt, savings, income, investments … and you’ll be surprise how well this can go. Don’t keep secrets.
2/ Establish that you are both stakeholders.
Both parties have a stake in all financial outcomes, regardless of your income and if you are a stay at home parent as well. In my first long relationship, I was earning much less than my boyfriend but I helped him from the beginning with his investment choices. You can have a say even if there is one breadwinner in your household. Financial or any types of domination may hurt a relationship in the long run.
3/ Use this article as an excuse to break the ice
You can use external resources to break the ice by discussing money personalities and languages. And there is no good or bad profiles, all of them have pros and cons. Remember the golden rule is to treat your partner as you would want them to treat you ! You may be surprised to recognize that a lot of fights about money are after all not about money so much but more a clash of temperaments or what you value.
4/ Book money dates
Set aside regular time with tour partner - even 30 minutes a month - to review your money goals or financial situation. Treat yourself with a nice dinner, have a glass of wine…do it in your own terms and this can be a great bonding exercise.
5/ Get help when you need it.
Sometimes we need to bring in a third party to ease the communication. A financial advisor will be more quantitative and offer fact-based planning while couple therapist specialized in financial therapy will be more focused on underlying emotions related to money. Don’t wait too long to seek help .
“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.” -Ayn Rand